Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
