he wants to bone in the snuggie
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Randomize
