i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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