dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
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so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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