I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
