i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
