I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
