just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
