Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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