Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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