There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
