guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
