You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
