My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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