shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
