So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
