I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you win again, gameday.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
