your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
