i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
