I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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