After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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