i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
