Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
