I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
