I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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