you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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