she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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