Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
