idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
