The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is Oprah even human
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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