I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
