Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
