Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
