At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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