so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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