I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
