I accidentally had phone sex last night
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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