she smelled like a LAN party
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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