I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
