Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
