I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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