My room smells like vodka and shame
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
