ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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