She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sorry my hands just texted you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
