he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
