i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
