My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
