Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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