bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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