So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
