Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
