Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
