i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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