I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
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We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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