Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
