So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
