yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
barbara walters just said penis...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
