its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
