I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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