yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is Oprah even human
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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