dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
