Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
