Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
