somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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