i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Girls should come with a carfax report
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
