somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
