your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
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I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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