So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
