i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
