It's Friday. Sex?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
