My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
