Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
