Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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