When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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