Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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