got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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