By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
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biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
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I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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