Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
