oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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