Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
