Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
