three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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