1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
