i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
