We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
