I'm eating all of the evidence.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
